Well, I’m at it again. This creativity thing is pretty cool, I gotta say. I feel happy all the time. OK, my neck still hurts, traffic drives me insane, and the fly that snuck inside when my screen door was open might make my head explode… BUT, I still feel happy all the time. I know that the change in my life is in large part attributed to taking some power in my own hands and creating the projects that I not only WANT to act in, but that are also incredibly important to me. The latest project that I’ll be filming in mid-July is Gratuitous Violence. I’m in the middle of a fundraising campaign for it, and this is the part that I love/hate the most. I love it because the outpouring of support truly lifts my heart in a way that is indescribable. I hate it because every unsubscribe from my newsletter feels like a little icicle in my heart. I know it’s not personal. Hell, I hate emails too! But sometimes it’s hard to remember that people take action from what they are thinking, not from what I am thinking.
Anyway, this is the video that is going out today to help fund my campaign.
So, I submitted my short film, “YAWN – It’s Catching!” to a bunch of film festivals and I don’t find out if I got in until July. But why wait until then for someone else to tell me whether or not my film is good enough? I’m having pre-emptive self-righteousness!!! And that’s why I decided to set up my own screening. But it seemed a little self-indulgent (and quite honestly, expensive) to get everyone out for a 5 and a half minute film. And thus, the “We Made This” Underground Not-Festival was born. I gotta say, I’m pretty proud of it. I recruited seven other filmmakers to participate, I found the location, I handled the finances, and I even made this gorgeous flyer. Why did it take me over two hours to design this little beauty? Because I’m dumb. Productive, but kinda dumb!
Jeez, it is hard to figure out how to get funding for your film. Just spent the last few hours researching grants and getting nowhere. And when I say researching grants, I am using that term lightly. What I mean is that it is difficult to do an internet search that leads you to any useful information. Many of the sites I found take you to some sort of organization that says they will give you access to grants, and grant history, and advice, and… (ad nauseam here)… but they will charge you a FEE. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of trying to find funding?
I decided to write this post to share my difficulty, just in case there are other filmmakers out there who are feeling similarly frustrated. I will update this with hopefully positive information as it unfolds.
But, to end on a happy note, I will say that I am so excited to be writing and producing my second film, working title, “Gratuitous Violence”. My writing partner and I finished our first complete draft last week, and I gotta say, it was thrilling. I’ve had a lot of runaround in my brain, trying to figure out if I’m “successful”, if I’m living the life I want, if I’m good enough. Well, in recent months, I feel like I’ve figured out what makes me happy – and in a nutshell, it’s being creative. So, if I’m not getting enough auditions, or enough bookings, or what-have-you, I can still feel successful simply by creating a product that fulfills ME. Now somebody fund THAT!!
I’ve been feeling pretty lucky these days. I finished my play, I finished my stand up class, and I was on TV last week – and so many people supported me in all of these triumphs! Not to mention, a still from the TV show (Hart of Dixie) was on the front page of Hulu. I will have to revisit this post the next time that I feel down about not having auditions or not booking a job.